Microsoft Couch Guy Needs to Die

So I spent the better half of 2005 downloading every single episode of Mystery Science Theatre 3000. We're talking thirteen seasons worth of the greatest show ever made - somewhere in the neighborhood of 200 plus episodes, each an hour or so long. Even at distributable file sizes, that's 700 megabytes a peice, and needless to say this was well before the age of terabyte hard drives. I was thus forced to burn them straight to data DVDs immediately because there was no way in hell I was going to use some shitty media suite DVD-maker to convert them all to barely watchable garbage.

I've been suffering the consequences ever since. Whenever I want to see an episode, I have to throw it in a PC. Fortunately, most of my television sets have a computer connected to them just for that purpose. Unfortunately, however, my bedroom set doesn't, and let's face it, MST3K is best watched in a nice cozy bed.

I do have my trusty Xbox 360 in that room, but apparently despite the fact that Windows Media Player can handle the codecs, the 360 won't have anything to do with them.

So here I am, sitting next to a networked 360 and a laptop computer. I think, "Well, I could just pop the DVD into the laptop, and stream it to the Xbox through Windows Media Center, right?" Well, nothing I'm doing is working and so I'm scrounging the World Wide Web trying to find some sort of solution when I stumble upon this car accident of a webcast, something I like to call the Microsoft Couch Guy.

Click on the link that says "View Instructions for Windows Vista Home Premium." No really, do it. Watch it ensuing travesty and tell me that it doesn't make you want to reach into your computer screen and gouge this silly motherfucker's eyes out every time he suddenly gets distracted from telling you what the fuck to do in order to work in some horrible joke from a failed stand up routine. Shut the living fuck up, you unfunny twat, and get hell on with it before I sew myself a voodoo doll in your likeness. I already tried everything you're taking your sweet time in telling me about anyway, and the only reason I'm actually listening any longer is out of the sick hope that you will actually trigger enough pure hatred in me that it will give me evil super powers. Super powers that I will use to find you and destroy you.

I haven't been brave enough to watch the other videos this site is offering, and I can probably tell you that no amount of morbid curiosity will ever be strong enough to give me the courage it would take. Also, I enjoy keeping my brain cells more or less in tact.

Die, Microsoft Couch Guy. Die a horrible, heartworm infested death.