2012 or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Internet

May 29, 2009 6:47 PM

As it happens, the subject of 2012 has become something of a running coincidence in my life. Every once in a while it dawns on me that someone else in the Real World has some kind of familiarity with the topic, and it's usually someone who figures pretty prominently in my past: a childhood best friend, a former lover, even my own brother. The funny thing about this is that the 2012 mythology is directly tied to the 11:11 phenomenon, and the 11:11 phenomenon is all about coincidence - or, more specifically, synchronicity. If you don't understand the subject of synchronicity, you need to stop reading this blog and go buy yourself a copy of Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency. Right now.

I do a lot of research on the Publius Enigma, an internet-based mystery that revolves around the 1994 Pink Floyd album, The Division Bell. Yes, I have too much free time, thank you for thinking it. Despite the fact that my search for the answers is more or less an objective fact-hunt, I do find myself coming across very bizarre yet interesting theories as to just what the hell the greatest band on the planet was trying to say to its fans when they decided to start posting riddles on Usenet, and a great deal of them have strangely wound up making a lot of sense when put together in a sort of disjointed but unified larger picture. Many times over I have found myself coming back to 2012 as a result of this. Sometimes it's through small coincidences, others it's from direct correlation. At any rate, I'm fascinated by it.

So that's been my little corner of the World Wide Web for some time, and it was nice to be getting deep into something that not a lot of people knew or cared about. Of course, now that Roland Emmerich is dropping yet another dook on American cinema, the spider-sense of every nutjob in town is going berzerk. The consequence of this is that while there were already plenty of questionable conceptions about what the end of the Mayan calendar was going to bring to the planet, there's now a sudden flood of both curiosity and paranoia brought forth by the same yammering idiots who thought the Earth was going to explode on New Year's eve of 1999. Every once in a while, it amuses me to see sensible writers out there knee-deep in all the mainstream bullshit, just trying to plough through -- plus it's nice to soothe my own primitive impulses to succomb to it all by reading a nice calm explanation of why everyone is stupid. There's a lot of misinformation on topics like this, a lot of reporting so irresponsible that it borders on deliberate midirection, and gems like this one are rare and worthwhile.

Check out 2012 Explained - Why it Shouldn't Be Feared if you have the time.

If you have even more time, scroll past the article and head straight to the reader comments. If you want a hearty laugh, read a few of those comments. If you want to retain your faith in humanity as the potential heirs to the Universe, you probably shouldn't read them all; the implications of bearing witness to such an unbelievable amount of mind-garbage can be worldview shattering.

Honestly, this is living proof that when the Internet was invented, people on the whole forgot how the hell to write. The plethora of responses here are so bad that they make me wonder if the whole "the government is covering up 2012" conspiracy is real and secret operatives in the know are clandestinely faking an ill-proportioned number of these posts in order to distort the public's image of the so-called "believers."

you guys are all in denile...you are all going to face a horrible time in 2012 and you are shuting your eyes to it..its better to know then to think its never going to happen like this prick...you dont have any facking clue about what you are saying...there more evidence of 2012 then your bullshit. many have seen what is to come, and you are blinding people from the truth. stop what you are doing, its not write. people should be prepared for it, we should be uniting with each other to find away to servive instead of denying what is to come. Ben you are trying to isolate every one, so when the date comes, you will be like " Ohh i gess every one else is wrong to" dont be stupid, you think if the sientist knew that the world will end in 2012 they will come out and say it..you daft bastered.. there are things for you to find out, hidden clues. search and you shall find, have you never heard of that saying. there is another planet called niburu and its coming, there will be devastaing effects to our world, but if we dont prepare now it will be to late.. am not saying we should start going crazy, am saying we should establish our selfs with a safty net, if it dose happen!!! do you understand??? you have to realise that the history of the mayans and other philosophers that you thought were not true have a reason to be here..which is to warn us off what is to come. they dont want us to go through the same thing they went to so they gave us advice..it is our chouice to accept or to reject these advicees. so you have no right to create a hole facking site just to prove that what you are saying is more truthful then acient philosophy, not from just one continent but from all the continients there has been a profecy of the same date. its no coencidence, so you have to prepare your self for you own sake...

"Jone Doe" here is either someone's idea of a sick joke or he's top brass for Uncle Sam's Department of Disinformation. Whatever school he's from, he's graduating Cum fucking Laude. This was artfully done; to the casual user it appears as if another whackjob is littering the web with the byproducts of his brain-damaged psychosis, but to the trained and skillful eye (mine) it's pretty goddamn obvious that the painful mispellings and grammatical errors abundant in this text were quite strategically planted by a clever mind. When you play as much Grand Theft Auto as I do, you get pretty familiar with this kind of masterfully crafted parody. The sarcasm here is laid on thick, but it's also just subtle enough to pass for the real thing.

So what's the deal? Is this evidence of a mounting effort to suppress the credibility of those who know the Truth, is it some sneaky jackass' lunch-hour tomfoolery, or have I seriously overestimated the natural right of the human race to continue to produce offspring? As Bill Hicks once said, perhaps Hitler had the right idea after all; he was just an underachiever. Maybe the impending doomsday of the Great Galactic Alignment is just what we need to finish the job.